So, back to the Father of my infancy who has just come to light in the recent years of my life.
1. I am a white female.
2. He is a puerto rican/chinese male.
3. I seriously thought I was black for like 5 years. (Because I was told he was from Jamaica; big stupid thing, anyway)
4. Eventually, the Ogre made me take a DNA test.
5. I never saw the results.
6. When my Father and I came into contact, he confirmed my fears that we were not blood related.
7. Note: The Ogre told me for a long time that he was my genetic father- which is where the pain comes from. LIESSS!!
8. He and I both agree that it doesn't matter. We still love each other the same.
9. Knowing who my genetic father is would be nice. It would just put things at ease and I might punch him in the face.
So, The Ogre ran off with me and I never saw him again.
Then, she remarried a mexican-american sap (Mexican Blood, born and raised in America) and they had a child together.
Now, when I was young, I was jealous of my sister because she got ALL the attention. Not just ALL the attention but ALL of HIS attention. That is pretty hard for a kid to live with. "You're not REALLY my daughter so... fuck off." Granted, it wasn't said like that but it FELT like that. Any attempts I made to bond with him (which were a LOT) were shot down. He was completely uninterested. He only paid attention to his daughter because she was LITTLE and NEEDED attention. OF course, the fact that he was young didn't help. They didn't really waste time making a baby. He had to be around 25, I suppose.
The Ogre, at that time, worked night shift. In fact- she works night shift throughout most of the story. Hey, why not? She doesn't have to look at her kids EVER during the day because she's SLEEPING and around this time I was outside a lot. That, and her HUSBAND could be the responsible adult. Of course, neither happened because he was a teacher at the time and he coached the...baseball?? Team. I am pretty sure he coached baseball. So I was left to take care of myself at age...what? 5?? I don't know the exact age but I DO know that I have been doing things on my own for a LONG time.
Now, I don't blame the husband, of that time, because I -technically- wasn't his responsibility. He DID help me out from time to time and he DID eventually bond with me but it just wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for me. I will never be fully satisfied with "parental figures" because I have high standards in everything in my life. This is also why I don't hang out with a lot of my friends or keep in touch with them- because they aren't perfect. But that's ok, I'm working on it. I can take people in small doses.
So, I am going to cut it off here and post more later.
Then, she remarried a mexican-american sap (Mexican Blood, born and raised in America) and they had a child together.
Now, when I was young, I was jealous of my sister because she got ALL the attention. Not just ALL the attention but ALL of HIS attention. That is pretty hard for a kid to live with. "You're not REALLY my daughter so... fuck off." Granted, it wasn't said like that but it FELT like that. Any attempts I made to bond with him (which were a LOT) were shot down. He was completely uninterested. He only paid attention to his daughter because she was LITTLE and NEEDED attention. OF course, the fact that he was young didn't help. They didn't really waste time making a baby. He had to be around 25, I suppose.
The Ogre, at that time, worked night shift. In fact- she works night shift throughout most of the story. Hey, why not? She doesn't have to look at her kids EVER during the day because she's SLEEPING and around this time I was outside a lot. That, and her HUSBAND could be the responsible adult. Of course, neither happened because he was a teacher at the time and he coached the...baseball?? Team. I am pretty sure he coached baseball. So I was left to take care of myself at age...what? 5?? I don't know the exact age but I DO know that I have been doing things on my own for a LONG time.
Now, I don't blame the husband, of that time, because I -technically- wasn't his responsibility. He DID help me out from time to time and he DID eventually bond with me but it just wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for me. I will never be fully satisfied with "parental figures" because I have high standards in everything in my life. This is also why I don't hang out with a lot of my friends or keep in touch with them- because they aren't perfect. But that's ok, I'm working on it. I can take people in small doses.
So, I am going to cut it off here and post more later.
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